Rebuilding features 19 steps that people go through after breaking up. Fisher describes each stage from the point of view of the “dumpee” and “dumper” and further explains what the children of the break up may be experiencing during this time too. Each chapter is relatively short and features a brief questionnaire at the end to ensure that you are ready to move on to the next chapter. Fisher supports the stages with research and evidence.
Fisher’s Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends can be presented as a series of sessions, however, the benefit of the book is that you can put it down and pick it up as you progress through the stages. Not everyone progresses through the post-break-up stages at the same pace, so it is nice to be able to fast-forward and go-slow as you see fit.
In my situation, I was technically the “dumpee”. However, because I had exit plans in place and I had realised during the marriage that it wasn’t a lifetime relationship, I was categorised as the “dumper”.
This book helps validate actions and feeling throughout the stages that you (or your friends in similar circumstances) are going through. Throughout divorce and break ups, there are stages of elation, followed by lows; constant ebbs and flows. Fisher helps you through the stages and offers you some peace knowing that everything is alright, ok and “normal”.
In a situation like divorce, Fisher makes an interesting observation: He comments that most people don’t work on themselves emotionally post-divorce. More often than not, people move on to a subsequent relationship and when it ends they “fall harder” than after the divorce.
Don’t delay, this book is an essential read to all people in a break up situation.
