Deciding Not To Be A Divorce Victim
The choices you can make today, will make a lasting impact on your life as well as the lives of your dependents, family and friends. While some people choose to end the marriage, others do not have any other choice but to accept the change in circumstances. No matter whether you are the ‘dumpee’ or ‘dumper,’ everyone feels like the victim and hard done by in divorce.
Rachael Scharrer, divorce expert and founder of DivorceAnswered.com.au has some good news! You don’t have to play the victim. You can rise above the difficulties and challenges. You get to choose your attitude, behaviour and reactions.
Avoid being the victim or playing the blame game by:
- Accepting the end of the marriage and plan for a new, brighter and better future
- Seeking assistance. If you are struggling with the end of the relationship, get yourself some support from a therapist, counsellor, psychologist. If you are unsure, your GP is a great place to start
- Do not reacting to your ex-spouse in anger, hatred or frustration. Responding in this manner (verbally or in writing) is unnecessarily inflammatory for you as well as your ex-spouse
- Choosing to be present for your children, friends and family. Take the time not to talk about your divorce incessantly and take an interest in what is going on in their lives. Be present and really connect
- Celebrating the little wins. Break up your day in to smaller milestones and give yourself some praise for making it through the hour, task and day
- Making attempts to settle and agree on parenting and financials as quickly as possible. Being stuck in the divorce rut is hard work; not forgetting, it is emotionally exhausting. The faster that you can agree, the quicker you can accept and make the most of your new situation
- Updating your skills or re-skill. Now is a great time for you to re-educate yourself or embark on a new career path. The world is your oyster and you are blessed with so many options
There will never be a perfect solution for both parties and there will never be enough time or money to go around. As the saying goes “try to be a reasonable woman [or man] in an unreasonable situation.”