Nobody really wins in divorce. It is easy to blame the other person in the marriage for its failings. It is effortless playing the victim. You may be amazed to know that it is likely that the other person in your relationship is also playing victim, blaming you and telling a vastly different version of events.
If anger wasn’t present in the marriage, then it often ensues at separation or during court proceedings. I once heard anger defined as disappointed love. Essentially meaning that people who are angry don’t give the love they want and they can’t give the love they should give to others. Until the anger, upset and resentment is healed, controlled and understood, then moving on to having a meaningful relationship with yourself or another person isn’t possible.
If your partner was ill and unwell (say with an autoimmune disease or cancer), you would sympathise and be understanding. It may help to look at the end of the relationship the same way. Your marriage was sick and unable to thrive. It takes two people to be in a relationship, to fight for it to prosper. It’s hard to accept that it didn’t work. Your benefit is to learn from the lessons of that marriage/partnership.
Find a way to manage your anger towards your ex-partner and forgive. You will then find personal happiness. Only you can change your mood. Only you can stop the blame game. Only you can make yourself happy. No one and nothing can do it for you.
Forget the past and turn to the future. Be the best person you can be.