As I was watching an episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County (please don’t judge), it made me recall an episode from a previous season where Heather DuBrow was offended when her husband Terry used the “D” word. I pondered Heather’s reaction. My conclusion is that “divorce” is often threatened or referred to when people are unhappy in a relationship. Whether you are cranky, frustrated and disillusioned with your marriage or partnership, DO NOT put the idea of divorce “out there” unless you are going to follow through with it.
By propelling the idea of divorce into your relationship, you might as well strap on a W12 engine and go full throttle to the Family Courts.
When a partner constantly threatens leaving or divorcing and their actions never result in what they say, it becomes a situation of “the boy who cried wolf”. Their words over time become dilute and they often become frustrated that their cry for attention is not getting the desired reaction … that is, until one day, one of the couple ends the relationship.
While I was married, my partner “broke up” with me several times each year. To convey how I felt being on the receiving end of this regular situation, I said very calmly “the day I mention divorce, will be the day that our relationship is over. I will not threaten it”. My partner was shocked, but it didn’t stop the threats from continuing. One winter afternoon, we got into a disagreement and as usual, my partner broke up with me. I reflected on the children and our situation and decided to accept that this was the end of our relationship. It was the last time I was allowing another break up with me. I accepted the departure for the last time and I never turned back.
A leopard doesn’t change its spots. A person that constantly makes threats will continue to do so. It isn’t a healthy way to have a relationship and clearly work on communication is required concerning the needs and wants of each partner and what is and isn’t being fulfilled.