Toxic Talk

All too often, following separation, we often feel a little less confident in ourselves. We have been identified for a long time as the partner to someone else and been able to rely upon them or bounce ideas off them and, often, we have taken direction from them. Rachael Scharrer, Divorce Expert and Founder of, understands that when you find yourself without that partner or spouse, it can be daunting and the self-talk can be toxic.

‘Toxic talk’ are the unhealthy things that we catch ourselves saying. Rachael Scharrer shares some phrases that you may catch yourself saying, including:

  1. “I can’t do this.” Separation and divorcing can be difficult and overwhelming. Take some time to re-phrase and review your challenge. You can get through everything – break down what you need to do or achieve into bite-sized chunks and conquer one step at a time, not in one big bite. No one expects you to be able to do everything all at once
  2. “I am tired.” Yes, juggling family, work and divorce is exhausting. Instead of focusing on the negative, try to look at what you can do to stay invigorated and motivated. Eat healthily, keep a regular and sufficient sleep routine, stay connected with your friends and family
  3. “If only I had more help.” Your friends and family are there to support you. As with much in life, when someone offers help, accept it gracefully. Equally, make sure that when you do need assistance that you do speak up. If others don’t know what you need, they can’t be there to assist
  4. “If only I did … differently.” You will only beat yourself up by constantly re-playing the past in different scenarios. You need to understand that you made the best decision at the time with the information that you had. Try to work towards accepting the past (for all of the good and the bad) and look to the future
  5. “I wish I had more money.” Make the most of what you have. Scrimp and save where you can and occasionally splash out or treat yourself. It is essential that first and foremost you are responsible with your money and live in-line with your income. Should you need more money, there are many ways that you can save or generate more income. Put it out to the universe and opportunities will come your way. See Divorce Answered’s blog posts under the financial and tips tabs for ways to save
  6. “If only I had more time.” Just like we need to budget financially and live within our means, we equally need to work within the available time frame. Many people feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day and divorce can be seriously time consuming (it’s like having a second full-time job). It is imperative that you plan your day and week, prioritise the chores and activities and weigh up the benefits and pitfalls to how you have distributed your time. Try not to overload your day or week, ensure that you schedule in some down-time and if you are a parent, make sure that you have quality connection time with the children. Finding your balance is the key
  7. “He/she deserved…” Vengeful talk doesn’t help any situation and is a concerning way to live. It tends to breed negativity and set a negative frame-work for you to live within. Try to accept the past and current situation and trust that Karma will take care of everything and anything for you

The Law of Attraction is a philosophy that we are what we think, say and do. As such, thinking negatively, being down, pessimistic or retaliatory will breed more negativity, pessimism and ‘bad’ in your life. However, we can change the way that we think and what it brings into our lives. Choosing not living in the past, wishing things were done differently and beating ourselves up, we can encourage a more positive, lighter future.


This is general advice only and is not provided as legal advice. If you have a legal issue, you should contact a lawyer and/or accountant before making a decision about what to do or applying to the Court. cannot provide legal advice. If you have an emergency situation, please contact Emergency '000'. © Divorce Pty Ltd